I Gave My Son the Best Gift... The Gift of Time
By Lisa Santiago
I would like to preface this with my understanding that I know every couple cannot make this decision. I know most parents cannot afford to make the decision that I did. I understand that dual working parents have it even harder than I did.
Here in New York, our Kindergarten cut off date is December 1st. What that means is you can attend Kindergarten if you turn 5 before December first. So, for instance, you can have your four-year-old child whose birthday is November 29th, go into kindergarten in September, along with “Johnny” who will be turning six on December second. I know! It’s crazy!
My son’s birthday is October 24th. As he was growing up, I always thought I would absolutely send him to Kindergarten. I have a dual Master’s in Education and Students with Disabilities and have worked in schools for over 10 years and know the expectations. I have a friend and her son was born a month after him. They went to pre-school together and growing up, she always said she wasn’t sure if she would send her son or not, but leaned more towards keeping him in pre-k for an additional year.
As my son’s time went on in pre-school, and me working with him at home, I saw he was struggling. Not to the point of needing more help (services), but more to the point of needing more time. He just wasn’t ready to start writing yet, or sitting for long periods of time, or being in school for a full day. I asked his pre-school teachers what they thought, and one agreed with what I was seeing, that he could use more time.
“Many members also brought up the fact that he won’t even be 18 graduating high school and going off to college if I had him go into kindergarten when he was supposed to according to the state of NY.”
May of 2017 came, and it was time for Kindergarten registration. I registered him, which would give me time to make my final decision. The district doesn’t provide details on how they do during the assessments. Which I understand because not all kids working with a complete stranger, in a new setting will show their full potential.
Over the summer I really contemplated with this decision. I posted in Orange County NY Moms Group asking members if they went through this and wanted to hear both sides. I messaged friends who have been through this to ask their opinion. I even went as far as to call the building principal to ask what she recommends for a child who has a late birthday. Even she recommended if I could, to have him do an additional year in pre-k. She stated that it will give him time to mature (we all know boys mature way later than girls) as well as just more time academically. Many of the replies I received in the group stated that it was the best decision they made. Many members brought up points that kindergarten and first grade might not be an issue, but as the work gets harder and the expectations increases, he might struggle. I would never want that if I could avoid it. Another great point brought up was sports as he gets older. Many stated, if I kept him back, he won’t be the smallest and always feel that way which could affect his self-esteem. Many members also brought up the fact that he won’t even be 18 graduating high school and going off to college if I had him go into kindergarten when he was supposed to according to the state of NY.
As time got closer to September, I listed the pros and cons. Spent countless hours going back and forth with my husband. I asked my friend who had the son that was born a month after him what she was doing. She made the decision to send her son, which made my decision even harder to make since the boys grew up together and went to pre-k together. So, after all the time spent contemplating, I finally made the decision with my husband to do an additional year in pre-k.
IT WAS THE BEST DECISION WE COULD HAVE MADE FOR OUR SON
It’s now the middle of his Kindergarten year and I have to say it was the best decision we made. Even with the additional year in pre-k, the beginning of the year was a struggle. Just being in school all day with the expectation of doing so much work, was hard for my son. Writing was his biggest struggle, but now he’s thriving! He knows 18/25 sight words. He’s beginning to read and is so proud of himself. He can write beautifully and is beginning to form written sentences. He knows all his letters and sounds and is a math whiz! His kindergarten teacher agreed with me at parent teacher conferences, that he would have really struggled if I sent him to kindergarten the year prior. We’re both excited to see the growth and look forward to seeing the growth he’ll make in the future.
I know this situation isn’t ideal for everyone. Many parents look forward the years where they can stop paying for daycare and their children can enter public school. Many parents can’t afford an additional year of pre-k. I was able to do this because I was home and signed my son up for 2 pre-kindergarten classes at two different schools that were low cost because high school students taught the pre-k students. My district does not offer UPK so that wasn’t an option.
So, if you’re in my shoes and have a child who will be entering kindergarten when they’re four, definitely do your research and weigh your options. Speak to other parents who’ve had to make the same decision. Be open-minded and listen to both sides. FOLLOW YOUR GUT. Not every child who is going to enter kindergarten at the age of four will need to do an additional year in Pre-K. Maybe your child is fine academically but you’re questioning socially and behaviorally. In my opinion, if you’re able to do it, give your child the gift of time, because we can never get that back.